Father's Day without Dad

I woke up this morning and didn't want to face the day. It is the First Father's Day since my Dad passed on and it makes me sad. All the good and happy memories come pouring into my head like a flood bursting through a dam. The not so happy memories, the bad, the ugly ones are trailing along below, lost in the undercurrent. This is on purpose, I choose to remember the good times. Vacations with lots of site seeing and laughter. Games of Checkers, Uno, and Monopoly. Singing and Traveling were the two loves of his life. They remain a part of me and who I am, but somewhere, below the surface, in the deep lies the bad and the ugly.

Depression is a selfish disease and so I push my own self away and think of my nieces, Terry's children, how they lost their Dad so young and how they must be feeling today on Fathers Day. All grown up now, as it has been 9 years and 7 months, since Terry died. But, I can not stay with them in my thoughts for I still cry for our loss. It is still too overwhelming for me to except completely, and I wonder why? Why is it that I cannot seem to except this one fact that my brother has died without tears and then the pushing back of tears, until the idea of it seem completely ludicrous?

Dad and Terry having died 9 years and 4 months apart, but are forever linked in my mind and heart. If truth be told, they are linked to me by mental disease. Dementia and Depression stretching around them and me like a great noose, choking the life from us. Of the three, I escaped into the river of life and find myself floating and being carried along that wild and raging river to a peaceful shallow stream, never delving beneath the surface, lest I be swallowed up by the dangerous aforementioned undercurrent, and so it here that I remain a shallow soul in shallow waters, until at last I am swept under and away to join them.

The Heretic's Daughter: A review

The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
I found this book to be utterly profound. My patriotic blood runs feverishly through my body as I gain a truer understanding of courage. I have never had to make a stand that would mean my life or death. Although, I must admit that I have pondered the question of how would I face such a situation, would I be like Patrick Henry "Give me Liberty, or give me Death" or would I change sides like Benedict Arnold? Many of our soldiers today may face this question. I pray for them.



Of course, this story takes place about 100 years prior to the revolutionary war, but nevertheless the spirit of personal accountability that lead to heroic patriotism is ever present. Martha Carrier as described by her daughter's fictional narration is a multi dimensional character; neither white, nor black, but many shades of grey. Her strengths are passed onto her daughter but only through a haunting paradox; Martha dies because she speaks the truth while Sarah lives because she speaks a lie. Sarah is haunted by the idea that she is partially responsible for sending her mother to her death only to realize that no one took her mother's life, but her mother proudly lay it down, on principle.



I am reminded that death is the great leveler. So, we do not save ourselves from death, but only postpone it, but at what cost? For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul: Mark 8:36




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Dracula

Just finished reading "Dracula" by Bram Stoker. Bram Stoker did a remarkable job of telling this story from each character's perspective. As a would be writer, I can tell you that this is no easy task. The only problem I have with this book is there is nothing from the main character, the one to whom the book was titled. I think a better title for this book may have been "Van Helsing" or "Madam Mina" at least. Having been a devout fan of the Bela Lugosi film version of "Dracula" I was disappointed that the book revealed very little from Dracula's perspective, the only dim view we have is from early on in the book when Dracula speaks to Mr. Harker, and this again is from Harker's point of view. Lugosi, revealed much of the character through only a few words and a stare, but oh, what a stare! The story of Dracula, Prince of Darkness, has been told many times. If anyone knows of a thoughtful version from Dracula's point of view, I would love to read it!